y did u give ur computer a hand job?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
