is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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