you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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