Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
