my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My penis needs a shock collar
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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