Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
