while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
