He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
