TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
