Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
