He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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