There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
