your room smells of hookers.
And success
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Boobs speak an international language.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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