Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
