"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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