That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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