do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
