Ambien. No doubt about it.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
