Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
