Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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