This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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