i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
