I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sex in the backyard? Check.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
