Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
