he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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