she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
