Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
