We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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