Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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