There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
