Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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