Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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