Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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