When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
