i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
