I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
