I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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