Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
