Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He felt like a one man threesome
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
