there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
