Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
