i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
