No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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