I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
