I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
