May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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