I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
