moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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