help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
