Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much

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(503): View more from Oregon

Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.

Fav 25 1420 3690
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(806): View more from Texas

You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.

Fav 48 2568 3599
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(906): View more from Michigan

I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink

Fav 17 969 4389
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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.

Fav 17 4522 4096
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.

Fav 8 2738 1584
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(772): View more from Florida

You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.

Fav 10 2183 901
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving

Fav 4 702 476
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(864): View more from South Carolina

It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.

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