Apparently you make a good broom.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
