like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
