Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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