He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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