I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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