Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
