You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
