I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
