I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
