Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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