im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
