I'm eating all of the evidence.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
