'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
