my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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