2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
