I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
