hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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