dude i'm inner monologue high
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
