Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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